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Teen Writers Critique Group

Teen Writers Critique Group


    Jax Greene

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    dotandscribble

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    Jax Greene

    Post by dotandscribble on Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:37 pm

    Hey, the name's Jax, I'm nineteen and I used to be little more than a petty thief.
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    Mac
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Mac on Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:40 pm

    Hey Jax!

    I won't be around for long tonight because I'm really tired and I need to sleep but I do want to ask - why what drove you into theft? You're only 19 and I would've thought most people that age would have been in University or beginning their first job. Is there a reason?

    Mac
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    dotandscribble

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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by dotandscribble on Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:43 pm

    Money, I guess. There's not much chance to get an education or job any more, not really. At least, not unless you got Malheur's favour. Then you're sorted for life.
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Mac on Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:44 pm

    Who's Malheur?

    Not much chance to get an education or job? Is there a reason? A brutal dictator who's a pain in the backside or a bad economy...

    What about family? Can they work?
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    dotandscribble

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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by dotandscribble on Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:47 pm

    Malheur is our lovely King. You have to pay for it. And Its just me and my sisters now. Sonya tries but... its just not enough.

    I guess now they'll be sorted, I just wish it hadn't come to this.
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Mac on Tue Oct 04, 2011 8:13 pm

    Malheur - how long's he been in power?

    What happened to the rest of your family?
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    Joce
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Joce on Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:54 pm

    What's sorting?


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    dotandscribble

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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by dotandscribble on Thu Oct 06, 2011 9:46 pm

    he's been in power for about ten years now. My mum was arrested a couple of years ago and my dad? He just never came home.
    Not so much sorting as being chosen to serve in Malheur's guard
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    Mac
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Mac on Thu Oct 06, 2011 10:15 pm

    What's so good about serving as his guard?

    If you could serve as his guard... would you kill him?

    Oh and what do you think happened to your mum and dad? Why was your mum arrested?
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    Tia

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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Tia on Fri Oct 07, 2011 5:52 pm

    What are your sisters like?

    And how did Malheur become King? He seems like a bad one, you know?
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by dotandscribble on Fri Oct 07, 2011 9:55 pm

    Lady Cobweb:No one really knows the full story... he was the the advisor and a close friend to the original royal family. He says that they were all attacked and that he alone survived and, of course, took power "reluctantly but to do what he was sure his dear king would have wanted" . Yeah that's believable. And nobody really realised how bad he was going to be until it was too late.
    My sisters are all I have left. Sonya, my older sister, is a very serious but very beautiful woman while Myra never quite seems to grasp just how bad the situation is. Perhaps its because there is still a chance we can make something of her.

    Mac:
    The only good thing is the money. When you join an allowance is given to your family, even if you die.
    No, I'm not a hero. I'm just there because its what I have to do to keep my family safe. No matter how much I may want to, openly taking a stand against him would be far too dangerous for my sisters - they always go after the families.

    My mum got caught suggesting that the royal family werent dead but gathering their strength. She was dubbed a traitor and taken. My dad? I don't know. He left one day, looking for work and never came back. I guess he just didn't have enough waiting at home for him.
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Mac on Sat Oct 08, 2011 9:36 am

    Hmm, would you be surprised if your mum was right? Not meaning to offend you Jax but... what if your mum was killed?

    How old's Myra?

    Is it possible to leave the country? Or has he banned the use of world maps?
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    Tia

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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Tia on Sat Oct 08, 2011 11:45 am

    Just call me Tia; it's shorter XD

    Do you remember what the royal family was like, or were you too young? Myra sounds like a great person Smile

    How bad is life without the allowance? Just how bad are the living standards?

    Also, since I'm in a romantic mood; do you have anyone you especially care about (who isn't part of your family) or anyone you'd like to get to know better?
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by dotandscribble on Mon Oct 10, 2011 8:46 am

    Mac: I don't know... It's a nice thought but fantasies dont put food on the table and as for my mum, I admIt I've thought about it. A part of me wishes she was - the prisons are not a nice place- but she's my mum and I want her home

    Myra is twelve

    And where would I go? I don't even know what is outside of our country. You hear stories of lands of fire and water but I've always been told they're inhabitable, with tribes who commit monstrous crimes - at least malheur isn't a cannibal.

    Tia: vaguely. I just remember things were better then. And before I became a thief it... Wasn't good. We were starving. I had to watch my family waste away before me. And that's something that will never happen again. If working for malheur gives them
    What they need then so be it. The allowance is pretty substantial. At least they won't have to worry where there next meal is.

    Somebody else? No. Family first. Always.
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Mac on Mon Oct 10, 2011 5:12 pm

    [Wow, a few people have changed their user names XD]

    What are your plans for the future? Do you plan to try and make a revolution? Escape the country and see what it's like outside? Save lots of money from the allowance 'til you're X years old before doing something else? Or making it up as you go along?

    Is a dictator a good word to describe Malheur? Oh and what sort of society is the country (and what is the country called)? Capitalist where you can earn profits and some people can get more stuff than others or Communist where everything is SUPPOSED to be fair and the same?
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by dotandscribble on Tue Oct 11, 2011 9:38 am

    I tend to make things up as I go along. Life is so fluid that plans are pointless. It's instinct that counts - with more than a little bit of reckless stupidity.

    Dictator sounds about right. And things are definitely not shared fairly. You see the rich guys with their jewels and luxurious foods walking past a girl begging on the street and they don't even look.

    (ooc) the name is still being decided - any ideas would be welcome Smile
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Mac on Tue Oct 11, 2011 5:17 pm

    Aah OK. Probably Capitalist.

    Is there anyone else with you who's in a similar position to you like a friend or something? Are you literate [Note to Kelly: This might be kinda weird because Jax is reading this and writing back, lol XD]?

    Were your family always poor or has Malheur robbed your family of their business or something? If you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

    Are news sources controlled and censored to Malheur's wishes? He sounds like a nasty guy. I wouldn't want to come near him.
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    Tia

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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Tia on Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:21 pm

    What are your skills? What are you practically good at, and what are you awful at? What are your sisters good and awful at?

    What is the worst point you had to go through in your life; what was the absolute bottom? What was the best time of your life; your happiest memory?

    (For Dot: I might have understood this wrong, but are you asking for a name suggestion? XD If so, for what exactly?)
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    dotandscribble

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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by dotandscribble on Thu Oct 13, 2011 9:17 am

    There used to be - garet - he was the one who first introduced to thievery but I don't know where he is anymore.
    Before my mum was arrested, she taught me a (very) basic level of reading/ writing so I know enough to get by
    Well we never rich but with mum and dad working we made enough if you know what I mean. Anything in the world? I'm not sure. Obviously i would want to have enough money to look after my sisters.
    Definitely. All the 'official' news reports have been tampered with that's for sure and as for anyone who speaks againt him , theyre arrested or killed for treason.

    My skills? I'm good at what I do- I make a good theif. And I have been known to act first, think later which can get me into trouble. And I'm pretty bad at keeping my mouth shut. I suppose that's why I learnt to run quickly Smile
    The worst point was when I saw my family on the brink of starvation and the happiest? When Myra smiled at me for the first time - before that I absolutely hated her!!

    (oh and yes I'm struggling for names for the country, the capital and the academy. Jax's town is called Bellhaven. I was thinking something like Balavia for the country but I'm not sure whether it's a real place and I've heard it on the news or something !! Smile. )
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    Mac
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Mac on Thu Oct 13, 2011 6:43 pm

    Garet? When did you last see him? D'you think your Dad, him and your mum could've been related (as in their disappearances)?
    Is literacy that important in your country? Or is all the writing on news papers etc.

    Would you ever - if you could - get revenge at Malheur? I know I would but getting to the monarch in our country would be extremely difficult!XD

    What's the best thing you've ever stolen and have you ever gotten hurt?

    I do hope you don't mind Jax, but could you pass on a note to Dot?
    [Balavia... did you hear it on the news as Yugoslavia or Bolivia? Oh and is there a particular Ethnic group in that country - if there is, what is it? You could get inspiration from that]
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    Joce
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Joce on Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:09 am

    I'm sick of hearing about politics for the day, what's your country's (if its a country) geographical make up? Lots of mountains or barren plains. Just describe the landscape.


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    Tia

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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Tia on Sun Oct 16, 2011 11:14 am

    Why did you use to hate Myra?

    (As for the name suggestions, I'll get back to you on that)
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    dotandscribble

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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by dotandscribble on Sun Oct 16, 2011 11:48 am

    Mac:
    Garet was the one who introduced me to being a theif and taught me everything i know. A couple of years ago he was chosen to serve in Malheur's guard and I haven't heard from him since he ran away from that.

    I don't see how they could've been related; its more a case of they all did something Malheur didn't like. Apart from my dad - he just left because he didn't care enough to come home.

    It's a nice thought and I guess the answer would be yes. If i ever got the opportunity, I would kill him.

    And Dot says she has no idea - she thinks she may be being blonde! Then again, she isnt very good at geography!!

    Joce:
    I've never really been outside Bellhaven but I've heard of mountains to the West and the coast to the East. As for Bellhaven, there used to be lots of fields and openspaces until the soldiers built upon them.

    Tia:
    I'm kind of ashamed to admit it but I liked being the youngest and didn't want her to change everything. Childish, I know Smile
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    Mac
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by Mac on Sun Oct 16, 2011 5:49 pm

    Malheur's guard? What's that?
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    Re: Jax Greene

    Post by dotandscribble on Sun Oct 16, 2011 5:55 pm

    Basically, four people from every town are given the 'honour' of training to be in Malheur's guard every year - if they pass the test that is. Its not the most morally honest thing but you can't say no

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