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Teen Writers Critique Group

Teen Writers Critique Group


    James Coleman

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    Mac
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    James Coleman

    Post by Mac on Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:26 pm

    (James isn't a major character but he's important for a subplot which I have no idea how it'll work)

    Hi, I'm James Coleman, 13 and I live in Sharm El Sheikh.
    Normally, nothing really happens here - it's just a touristy place here where tourists come - the only foreigners here (like me, I'm half Swiss half English) work in tourism.

    My best friend, Liam, has been acting weird lately. He's slipping into his own world or something - first he's there and then he's gone. He always seems to have an empty look in his eyes. Even though he's never been much of a talker (more like the strong, silent type - he's both strong and quiet around me), he's been even quieter lately. Lauren seems to know, but she 'promised' not to tell. He's also become secretive - he frickin' asked Lauren out! He stole her!

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    Tia

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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Tia on Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:35 pm

    Wow, how'd a half-Swiss half-English guy end up in Egypt? Or, rather, how'd your parents end up there?

    I'm sorry about Lauren. Don't give up hope, though! Are there any signs that maybe Lauren's not interested in Liam? What's their relathionship like? How long have they known each other?
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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Mac on Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:47 pm

    Sharm El Sheikh has A LOT of tourists. And I mean A LOT.

    My dad works in the tourist industry - he's a finance thing. I think he's a consultant. Mum stays at home because my dad earns enough to live comfortably, so my mum's on a permanent holiday. We used to live in England until we moved here 5 years ago because Dad got a great job offer. Liam's Mum works in Thomson - a company that books holidays and tours etc. I have no idea about his stepdad.


    I wish there was! They haven't been going out for long though - Liam asked her out on Valentine's day but I was going to the day after.

    Problem is, is that Liam's being secretive. He wasn't much of a 'revealer' anyway, but I always see them together, but I never get to hear their conversations. I think they'll stay together for a while though. They've known each other since they were ten when they both moved here from England. It was kind of obvious they liked each other a lot, but Liam never really had the guts to ask her out until now. I might've asked her earlier, but me and her only really started to get to know each other for about 8 months...

    I don't want to split them up because Liam's my best friend and Lauren is another good one, but I was planning everything for about 3 WEEKS! Then when I asked her... ggrr.

    I'm still going though, but I won't be going with anyone. Nah, I'll just say I'm only going because Omar wants me to! He asked Jasmin out, but I don't think it's going to go well! XD

    James
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    Tia

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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Tia on Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:57 pm

    They both moved from England? At the same time? You're right, your town really does get a lot of tourists. What's it's charm?

    How much do you know about Liam's step-dad? Do him and Liam seem on good terms?

    And, don't give up hope about Lauren! Thre seems to be some sort of event happning on Valentine's Day, if I understood correctly...Maybe you'll meet someone there. Now that I'm at it, what is the event? (if I did guess correctly)
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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Mac on Fri Aug 26, 2011 6:27 pm

    It's charm? It has lost. The Red Sea is the northern most tropical sea in the world. It's cool - lots of colourful coral and fish. Lots of people come for water sports like snorkelling, scuba-diving and even jet-skiing. It's super hot here too. I think that's why so many Europeans like it.


    Not at the same time, Lauren moved from Bolton in the North of England a few months before Liam (from London).

    I don't really know much about Liam's stepdad, Andrew, but he seems pretty nice. Apparently he bought Liam a PlayStation for his birthday - they're not cheap. Liam sometimes says that he finds it a little bit awkward with his stepdad because he remembers his Dad, but he usually says after that he did something nice. I think they're on good terms.
    Apparently, another thing he finds really weird is that his sister Beth his only his half-sister because her Dad is Andrew. Liam adores Beth though (she is actually very adorable).

    You're right, there IS an event. On Thursday, there will be a 'Valentine's Disco'. Most people are going there. Apparently there'll be a live band! Very Happy I might meet someone there, but right now, my eyes are firmly set on Lauren. I hate waiting! ... Then, she'll be mine. (8)If there's any justice in the world... I will be your man, you will be my girl, oh yeah... If there's any justice in the world, I will be with you and he will be alone... (Cool Sorry. I tend to burst into song from things that happen to me.

    Should I ... try to get Lauren? Or should I just be that great friend that Lauren will fall for? Or should I wait? I don't really know what to do and I can't ask my other best friend Omar. I'm worried he might tell, and I have no one else to ask! (Also because the Author isn't sure himself XD)

    J
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    Emma

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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Emma on Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:22 pm

    Hey James, nice to meet you.

    That sounds so annoying about Lauren! If I were you I would just wait, as annoying as that is. Asking her out know would only make it seem to her like you're a bad friend (although I'm sure you're not). Well, that's what I'd do. You may not be the waiting/cautious type...

    Do you have any siblings, btw?
    And how old is Beth?
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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Mac on Fri Aug 26, 2011 11:00 pm

    Nice to meet you too Emma!

    You have no idea... XD It's too late though (Cool It's too late to apologize... (Cool, I already asked her out! I feel stupid for not checking though. She seemed apologetic though. That's the great thing about Lauren, she's really understanding and she isn't that judgemental.

    I think Beth's 3 or 4... she's incredibly adorable though :3

    I have 3 fish, 2 siblings and an iPod.

    Not that the fish do anything... Atlas, Acer and Bruce are perhaps the most boring creatures in the world - but if they could do anything cool (like sing) then they'd probably forget, wouldn't they? Goldfish have a memory span of 3 seconds. "Hi I'm Atlas the gol... what? Hi, I'm Atlas the gol... what? Hi..."

    My two siblings are twins, Danielle and Charles (I call him Charlie). In case you didn't notice, both their names are the same in English and French (my mum is from the French speaking part of Switzerland). My parents did that on purpose apparently, but I have no idea what was with my name...

    My iPod has headphones that need replacing every few months because I use it a lot. Just sayin'...

    I don't think I told you, but Omar and I were waiting for Liam outside the swimming pool, and we over heard him and his Coach's conversation about how some of the people in his diving group weren't there. Omar had a newspaper with him (he usually has a newspaper with him) and apparently some Russians disappeared.

    It was a small story anyway, less than 100 words or something, at the corner of a big one about someone's new single (why were they in the same page?) They were last seen snorkelling near a cliff and Omar thought it could be related to that - but I don't know why Liam's diving group would be there anyway! XD

    James
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    Emma

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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Emma on Sat Aug 27, 2011 10:29 am

    Disappearances? Wow that sounds serious. Do you think this has something to do with Liam being secretive recently? Maybe you could (gently) see if he's willing to talk to you about it?

    That's good about Lauren - not that she's still going out with James, but that she was so understanding. At least she knows that you're interested.

    Atlas, Acer and Bruce? Any particular reason for those names? (I like them!)
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    Tia

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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Tia on Sat Aug 27, 2011 2:50 pm

    I don't know if you already know about this, or if you did in fact do it on purpose, but just a bit of trivia. Acer in Latin means sharp or bitter. Something like that, anyway. Since I'm already on the subject of languages, how many do you speak, considering your diverse background?

    I know what you mean about the iPod headphones. Mine break every month. It's so annoying. Half my money goes on that. What's your favorite type of music?

    I agree, Lauren seems pretty nice and understanding. If it does work out, you've picked a great girl. Oh, and, hey, I haven't heard much about Omar. What's he like? How well do you know him? What happened with him and that girl Jasmin?
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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Mac on Sat Aug 27, 2011 8:05 pm

    Emma,
    Yeah it does sound a bit serious, you're right. Omar says that there are 'no police out'. Back in England, I didn't see many policemen anyway, but Omar says that there are tons. He likes to make conspiracy theories though. He thinks it's from the ex-president, but he resigned. I might try and find out a bit more on it, but the Russian Embassy will investigate it if they're worried.
    I wouldn't really know if it's why Liam was being secretive. It's like something's worrying him. Normally if it was something that I could help with, he'd ask me though. Maybe he's having a big family issue he wants to keep private. I'll ask him... but I can't force him to tell me.


    Glad you liked the names too! (This is going onto your question, er... LadyCobWeb?) It was completely random choice of names... maybe not so random, but I didn't really think of the meaning. I named Bruce... Bruce, because the big shark in 'Finding Nemo' had the same name. He's the largest. Then Acer and Atlas were completely random names XD I've heard of something about Atlas having to carry the globe on his head. Who was Atlas anyway?



    LadyCobWeb:
    I have two headphones! One are my iPod's, which break every now and then. They're camouflaged to the colour of my hair, so I can wear it in class Smile Then there's my other ones which are the big ones I use when I'm trying to record covers of songs. I like to put them on Youtube Smile I just have the headphones on to help me relax as I'm playing the song.
    I like R&B and some rock, but heavy metal isn't my thing. There are a few good dance tracks out there as well, but R&B and rock are my favourites. What are yours?

    I think Lauren is great too XD I know I'm being biased though. I do hope it works out though.


    Omar's my other best friend. I met him when he moved to Sharm El Sheikh last year - he was in Alexandria (on the North Coast) originally, but his Dad got a good job offer in a good hotel here. It's a great hotel actually. Sometimes his dad let's us come there and we have a small beach party with some of our class there (we have them every Wednesday at the public beach), but it only happens sporadically. Omar still has to volunteer for a bit if he wants to hang out there though xD

    Omar's nice and he's cool with me. Hm... how do I describe him? He's pretty friendly and is always enthusiastic and willing to help. He's always chilled too and he's usually the centre of a class discussion. He's brilliant at languages too. He deals with lots of nationalities when he volunteers. Sometimes though, he tries to act a bit 'cooler' by wearing sunglasses and black. Unfortunately, he bumps into things a lot! XD He's fine just the way he is though.

    He asked Jasmin to go with him to the 'disco'. Thing is, Jasmin's the... well, I don't really have another way to say it but she's a bit of a b****. That's what everyone seems to say about her. I think they're only saying that because she'd rather make people chase her, but you never know. I've never really got to meet her... If she does try and make Omar chase her tomorrow then I'll have to try and restrain my self from laughing! XD


    Oh and before I forget, these are the languages I know:
    -English, fluent
    -French, fluent
    -Arabic, I'm close to fluency according to my teacher (my parents took me to Arabic classes the year before we moved and then the same for a few years after)
    -German, some. I hope to become fluent at that (more people in Switzerland speak German than French) and maybe even Italian and Spanish.

    James

    P.S. Wow, I can't believe I wrote all that!
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    Tia

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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Tia on Sat Aug 27, 2011 11:08 pm

    First off, my name is Tia. Sorry if I forgot to mention that... Embarassed LadyCobweb is just this name I came up a long, long time ago. It was supposed to be the beginnings of a book character, but I gave up on her. I just like the name XD

    Atlas is from Greek mythology. He's a Titan, which is basically an older god, and, anyway, his side lost in the whole 'Titans vs. Gods' war. So, as punishment, Zeus made him hold up the sky.

    Uuuh, that's a cool thing you've got going there. The song cover stuff, I mean. Do you play any instruments? Also, to answer your question, I'm like you. I love rock, but I can't stand heavy metal. I never understand what the vocalist is singing XD

    Omar's hotel sounds fun. A cool place to chill off. My grandfather has a restaurant so I know what you mean. We go there for free lunches sometimes, but I always have to work at the restaurant later on as payment. Anyway, hotels make me think of the ocean for some reason, so I'm wondering, how often can you go swimming? How warm is the water?

    All in all, he sounds like a nice dude. Besides Jasmin. I hate girls like that. Puts my whole gender to shame. How many boys has she made 'chase' after her? Is there anything positive about her at all? Also, your languages are pretty impressive. You could become a top-notch translator.
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    Joce
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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Joce on Sun Aug 28, 2011 12:25 am

    Okay, you beat me in language department. I speak English, am terrible at Arabic, study French, and am working on sign language.
    So do you have any hobbies?
    And what do think of Liam?
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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Emma on Sun Aug 28, 2011 2:36 pm

    I love Finding Nemo!! Especially because it's based in Australia (where I grew up), which not many good movies are. I thought that might be where Bruce's name originated from.

    Wow! I wish I knew that many languages!! So jealous Razz

    Anyway, I'm being yelled to get off the computer at the moment (grrr) so I better go...
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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Mac on Sun Aug 28, 2011 5:45 pm

    Tia. I'll try and remember that, although I assure you I'm not as bad with names as Liam XD

    Me too! It's a little bit annoying as well. Sometimes I just want a nice, quiet song, even if it is rock, and heavy metal... they seem to be screaming. I don't think that's relaxing at all!
    Thanks. I sometimes upload the acoustic covers of songs (I play the guitar) on to YouTube, and write songs. No one else really knows about that though.

    About the languages, thanks! Switzerland has 4 national languages, so that explains why I need to know French and German. I'm

    Omar's hotel is great! There are water slides, loads of pools... it's really fun. The sea is lovely and warm, and generally clear all year round [author's note: I went there last winter... it really was warm!]. We can go swimming at any time there, but we can't all the time at Omar's dad's hotel because... he's the manager and not the owner XD So he can't exactly let it happen all the time.

    Yeah, Omar's a nice dude, you're right. As for Jasmin... I guess she's got nice bits about her and not so nice bits. We're all imperfect I guess, but I don't know about her 'good'.
    She made 4 boys chase after her in the last 2 and a half years. It's a bit funny actually XD One boy did manage to catch her, and they went out for quite a while... 'til she dumped him XD Omar's next on the list I guess!

    Switzerland has 4 national languages, which explains why I need to know French and German. English is well... my other country's language and Arabic is the language of Egypt. It's spoken by a lot of people in a lot of places though, so I guess it's good if I'm ever travelling.
    I guess I could become a translator if I wanted. The nice thing about knowing lots of languages is that you can understand most of the lyrics in the other songs. It's pretty cool1 Very Happy

    Joce:
    I know I've beaten you, but Mum and Dad have been teaching me languages since I was born, so I've got that little bit of an advantage Wink I guess you could say that I was 'simultaneously bilingual' but I learnt French from when I was three, English when I was two, Arabic when I was 7 or 8 and German when I was 11 XD

    My hobbies are playing PlayStation (surprise surprise that was the first thing me and Liam first began talking about), writing songs, playing the guitar and listening to Music. I'm a music freak XD

    Liam... I think he's a good guy. He's different to any person I've met. And definitely not the kind of guy I would've thought he was if I saw him! After what's been going on with him lately (I STILL haven't found out!), he definitely needs to relax more!

    Emma:
    I know, right? All films are set in America. It's ridiculous! As if America's the only place in the world!

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    Tia

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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Tia on Mon Aug 29, 2011 5:46 pm

    Aaaaah, the thing about understanding lyrics in a song, I love that! It's how I motivated myself to start studying German, by listening to German songs Very Happy This is sorta random, and you don't have to do it if you don't feel like it, but what's your favorite song in each language that you know?

    What's your favorite PlayStation game? And Liam's, while we're at it. The only one I ever played was Dragon Ball Z, which was actually pretty good.

    I agree with you about the movies. It gets on my nerves too sometimes. I'll be watching an awesome French movie (with Croatian subtitle) and dad, who knows neither Croatian nor French, makes me change the channel. -.-

    What's the boy like, the one that caught Jasmin?
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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Mac on Mon Aug 29, 2011 10:21 pm

    Hmm... well my favourite songs are--grr, Mac keeps bugging me to pass you this note [Authors note: I had a long reply written then I accidently closed Chrome Sad]
    Anyway, here are my favourite songs:
    English: This is hard because most of the music I like is in English - about 95% - but it'd probably be between Apologise, Stop & Stare and Secrets (all by OneRepublic)
    French... I don't really listen to much French actually Razz Um... Alors on Danse, Stromae? XD That's like the only song I really know.
    Arabic: While it's not the kind I'd normally listen to, I like Matbataleesh by Hisham Abbas. I like dancing to it XD

    Does German count as a language I know? Since I'm not fluent in it.

    My favourite PlayStation game is Call of Duty: Black Ops. Same with Omar. There aren't any age ratings here (or if there are, you can ignore them - there's no 'government' at the moment, but not like the old government would do anything!) so it's fine Very Happy Liam's is a Need for Speed game which is a racing game - with cops and robbers in it somewhere. I think it's Undercover.

    Oh that reminds me of my Dad's failed attempts to speak about politics in French XD

    Him? He left last year. It's quite common for people to leave to their home countries after a few years but I don't think we'll be leaving any time soon...

    Do you know those people who are the 'popular-hot-guys-who-get-all-girls' with either the massive muscles or the super good at X sport? Yeah. That's an accurate description of him XD Maybe I was a bit to harsh... Liam didn't like him though XD I noticed that all the attention of the 'hot-dude' went to Liam after he went. Once or twice Liam let slip that he didn't like the attention Razz
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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Emma on Tue Aug 30, 2011 1:47 pm

    do you enjoy school? and what do you want to do when you grow up?
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    Mac
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    Re: James Coleman

    Post by Mac on Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:42 pm

    School's OK. I don't enjoy P.E. much though.

    I was thinking of becoming a Musician, but that's not a definite. There are loads of other things I like though, so I'm not really sure. Career advice is in a few months, so that'll help.

    Mac's bugging me to give you this note:

    [Mac: As you said as well, Emma, if you're running out of questions that's fine. James' voice is now developed and he's now got a few more fitting traits. Thanks!]

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